Lyla is my little shadow. She follows me everywhere and wants to participate in what I am doing whether it is cleaning the bathroom or sewing. Sometimes it drives me crazy, but most of the time I love it and wouldn't have it any other way.
Showing posts with label Jenn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jenn. Show all posts
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
December 7, 2013. Christmas Stories.
I like to read Christmas stories under the light of the Christmas tree. This year we happened to do it on a night Collin and Logan were racing so they missed out on the fun! I love making memories with my kiddos!
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
This isn't the post it was supposed to be...
This isn't the post it was supposed to be...
It is supposed to be a post filled with pictures of balloons and pink or blue confetti floating around.
It is supposed to be a happy post.
It is supposed to be a post filled with baby bumps and pregnancy symptoms.
But it isn't.
I debated about even writing this post. I don't often record the hard times in my/our life. But ultimately I need to. It is part of me, it is a part of us. It's part of our story.
November 20th started out like any other day. I sent the kids off to school and set about my usual daily routine. I looked forward to Logan coming home from a work trip and I waited in anticipation for my doctors visit that afternoon. A doctors visit in which I was told I could find out the sex of my baby if he/she cooperated! I was so happy and so excited. I filled 8 balloons with confetti. 4 with pink and 4 with blue. I couldn't wait to surprise my kids with the news of a baby sister or brother! But my happiness was taken from me when at 16 weeks I heard my doctor say the words "I can't find a heartbeat." I was shocked. I was enamored by the ultrasound of the beautiful baby in front of me. I never expected to hear those words. I have had 4 healthy, easy pregnancies. How could this be happening to me? How could I be losing my baby?
Those few minutes and the ones that followed are moments that have replayed over and over in my head. I spent that night and much of the week crying. I wanted desperately to fix this. I was in denial. My body still looked pregnant and I was still experiencing all of the same pregnancy symptoms. I even seemed to feel my sweet baby move inside of me (which I read is very common). I hoped that the doctor was wrong. I'd just lost a baby. And it hurt. It hurt just to breathe.
A week later on November 26th I had a d&c procedure. I remember it like it was yesterday. It haunts me. It was weeks before I could go to sleep at night without replaying that morning in my mind. The image of the procedure room. The nonchalant way my doctor talked to me. My sweet husband who stood by my side, wiped my tears, and was my rock. The caring nurses. The tears that flowed as I woke up from anethesia. And the ultimate feeling that now my baby was really gone. And there was nothing I could do about it. My loving mother in law and sister in law who watched over my children, and my own mother who held me tight with care and concern.
Miscarriage is death. It brings with it all the agonizing grief that comes with losing a loved one. But miscarriage is also something that isn't often talked about. It's the reason that women hide their pregnancies during those first few months waiting to reach the safe zone before announcing their good and exciting news. There are no funerals with a miscarriage. No memorials. Instead, routines go on. And it seemed that everyone's life went on unchanged. Except my own. I was 16 weeks pregnant. That's a lot of mornings to wake up excited that there is a child growing inside of me. It's many long afternoons of fatigue and morning sickness. It's 112 prenatal vitamins. It's lots pregnancy aches and pains.
But the grief gets easier to bear. Most days are good now. I have gotten so much comfort from Logan and my kids. I'm grateful to be surrounded by their endless joy and their smiles. I'm grateful for the plan of salvation. I'm grateful for the knowledge that I will get to see my sweet baby one day. I'm grateful for those 16 weeks that I had with my baby. He/she was part of me, us, our family. Do I understand why this happened? No. I wish I did. But I do know that when I enter my Heavenly Father's kingdom my baby will be there waiting for me and I will be able to hold him/her for an eternity. Until then, I will hold him/her in my heart.
It is supposed to be a post filled with pictures of balloons and pink or blue confetti floating around.
It is supposed to be a happy post.
It is supposed to be a post filled with baby bumps and pregnancy symptoms.
But it isn't.
I debated about even writing this post. I don't often record the hard times in my/our life. But ultimately I need to. It is part of me, it is a part of us. It's part of our story.
November 20th started out like any other day. I sent the kids off to school and set about my usual daily routine. I looked forward to Logan coming home from a work trip and I waited in anticipation for my doctors visit that afternoon. A doctors visit in which I was told I could find out the sex of my baby if he/she cooperated! I was so happy and so excited. I filled 8 balloons with confetti. 4 with pink and 4 with blue. I couldn't wait to surprise my kids with the news of a baby sister or brother! But my happiness was taken from me when at 16 weeks I heard my doctor say the words "I can't find a heartbeat." I was shocked. I was enamored by the ultrasound of the beautiful baby in front of me. I never expected to hear those words. I have had 4 healthy, easy pregnancies. How could this be happening to me? How could I be losing my baby?
Those few minutes and the ones that followed are moments that have replayed over and over in my head. I spent that night and much of the week crying. I wanted desperately to fix this. I was in denial. My body still looked pregnant and I was still experiencing all of the same pregnancy symptoms. I even seemed to feel my sweet baby move inside of me (which I read is very common). I hoped that the doctor was wrong. I'd just lost a baby. And it hurt. It hurt just to breathe.
A week later on November 26th I had a d&c procedure. I remember it like it was yesterday. It haunts me. It was weeks before I could go to sleep at night without replaying that morning in my mind. The image of the procedure room. The nonchalant way my doctor talked to me. My sweet husband who stood by my side, wiped my tears, and was my rock. The caring nurses. The tears that flowed as I woke up from anethesia. And the ultimate feeling that now my baby was really gone. And there was nothing I could do about it. My loving mother in law and sister in law who watched over my children, and my own mother who held me tight with care and concern.
Miscarriage is death. It brings with it all the agonizing grief that comes with losing a loved one. But miscarriage is also something that isn't often talked about. It's the reason that women hide their pregnancies during those first few months waiting to reach the safe zone before announcing their good and exciting news. There are no funerals with a miscarriage. No memorials. Instead, routines go on. And it seemed that everyone's life went on unchanged. Except my own. I was 16 weeks pregnant. That's a lot of mornings to wake up excited that there is a child growing inside of me. It's many long afternoons of fatigue and morning sickness. It's 112 prenatal vitamins. It's lots pregnancy aches and pains.
But the grief gets easier to bear. Most days are good now. I have gotten so much comfort from Logan and my kids. I'm grateful to be surrounded by their endless joy and their smiles. I'm grateful for the plan of salvation. I'm grateful for the knowledge that I will get to see my sweet baby one day. I'm grateful for those 16 weeks that I had with my baby. He/she was part of me, us, our family. Do I understand why this happened? No. I wish I did. But I do know that when I enter my Heavenly Father's kingdom my baby will be there waiting for me and I will be able to hold him/her for an eternity. Until then, I will hold him/her in my heart.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
October 10-17, 2013. Brazil.
Logan had the opportunity to go Brazil for work and I was lucky enough to tag along with him. It was a fantastic trip. We were lucky enough to fly down and back first class. That alone was a memorable experience. We didn't do too much while in Rio, but it was wonderful to be together and to relax. Logan spent the majority of the trip in meetings, but we did get to spend an entire day together exploring the city. We wanted to visit the Christus, but were discouraged from going by hotel staff due to the expected large city crowds that day. So instead we visited a nearby botanical garden. It was beautiful. One evening we were able to visit Sugarloaf and ride the cable car up to a fantastic dinner and show. It was definitely a highlight of the trip for me! It was a great trip and so nice to get away!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
homework
I like to try to document our day to day activities. I tend to be more drawn to those real life portrayals than portraits. Although lately, I haven't been really motivated to use my camera at all and tend to leave it to gather dust. But yesterday as we were doing homework I decided to pull it out. I remembered a picture I took last year and though it would be fun to recreate it. It's amazing just how much the kids grow and change in a year.
February 2012
April 2013
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Mexico Part 3
October 22, 2012
Our last full day in Puerto Vallarta we spent the day in the jungle zooming on zip lines, repelling, climbing crazy ladders, riding ATV's and having such a good time! It was such a fun day. I was so nervous, but quickly warmed up to it after the first ride. It was a blast.
our fun group!
Logan's goal while riding the ATV's was to get me soaked and covered with mud! He succeeded. It was a lot of fun!
Our last adventure of the day was Mexico's longest and fastest zip line at over 1,200 meters (nearly 4,000 feet) in length and reaching speeds of up to 100 kph (or 60 mph)! It thought this was going to be so much more scary than it was!
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Goodness! Just posting these pictures of Mexico makes me want to go back. Right now. It was such a great trip. I am glad that Logan and I were able to escape and spend some time alone together. And I am so grateful that we have such amazing parents that so willingly and lovingly watched over our children while we were away.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
November 25, 2012.
Christmas stories read by the tree. It was special, and fun! Here is to holiday memories!!
Friday, November 23, 2012
Mexico Part 2
October 21, 2012
The next day in Puerto Vallarta Logan took some surfing lessons and I tagged along for the ride! It was such a nice day. We met up with Miguel, the surf instructor, at a Walmart nearby and he took us to a beautiful private surf beach.
Logan was a natural. He got up his first wave and rode it all the way in! He had such a blast. I think he could have done it all day. While he surfed, I hung out on the beach (because it was a private surf beach I was the only person on the sand), took pictures, and read my book. It was a relaxing afternoon in the sun!
Such a fun day! Here is a video I made from still shots of Logan surfing!
The next day in Puerto Vallarta Logan took some surfing lessons and I tagged along for the ride! It was such a nice day. We met up with Miguel, the surf instructor, at a Walmart nearby and he took us to a beautiful private surf beach.
Logan was a natural. He got up his first wave and rode it all the way in! He had such a blast. I think he could have done it all day. While he surfed, I hung out on the beach (because it was a private surf beach I was the only person on the sand), took pictures, and read my book. It was a relaxing afternoon in the sun!
After Logan had his fill of the waves, Miguel took us to a surf bar called Kilometro 5. It was a neat little place complete with sand floors and an amazing view. The food was great too!
Such a fun day! Here is a video I made from still shots of Logan surfing!
Monday, November 19, 2012
Mexico Part 1
At the end of October, Logan and I went to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. It was such an amazing trip. I LOVED every minute of it. Our first day and a half were spent relaxing at the resort. We stayed at a new all inclusive resort called the Now Amber. It was perfect. We hung out on the beach, went kayaking, swam in the ocean, drank pina coladas, ate a lot, and enjoyed just being with each other. It was so wonderful to not have to think about the kids and what they needed, but to instead just focus on us.
the resort as seen from our balcony
our balcony
these lounge chairs saw a lot of use
these orange chairs on the beach were the perfect spot for relaxing. add a pina colada and life was good!
in the evenings after dinner which included many desserts, we made it a rule to order four each night and share with each other, we would sit in the lobby and look out at the ocean and watch the sun set! So pretty!
we would of course would have some more yummy drinks!
It was such a great trip. But the fun isn't over yet. Part 2 and Part 3 coming soon!
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