Friday, January 31, 2014

December 31, 2013. Happy New Year!

We had so much fun celebrating New Years with the kids. Like last year I put together some activities and put them in a paper bag. The kids took turns opening them every hour. We had so much fun. Some of the highlights included ice cream sundaes, dance parties, hide and seek (my favorite of the night), resolutions, and ringing in the New Year with a toast and some party poppers! The kids loved staying up until midnight (we set the clocks forward 2 hours) and I loved celebrating with them! I'm sure it won't be too much longer before they would rather be with their friends.

Although 2013 was a difficult year, it was also a year filled with many blessings. I'm grateful for those blessings, and most of all grateful for my family. They are everything. I am one lucky wife and momma!

Happy New Year!

December 27, 2013. Ice Skating.

I took the kids ice skating at Station Park over their Christmas break. They loved it, and Lyla enjoyed playing on the playground. Ruby wasn't such a fan of the whole thing until I finally convinced her to stand on a chair next to the heaters. She didn't think it was too bad after that! :) Both Sophie and Collin are such good ice skaters. It was fun to see them out on the ice playing around together. I love that they are such good friends.

They had so much fun skating, that we decided to go again. This time with Dad and the Rec. Center. Ruby tried it out this time and loved it as well. She got pretty brave skating around the rink with the help of a skate mate! Afterwards she was so proud!

December 25, 2013. Merry Christmas!

We had a wonderful Christmas this year. We were able to celebrate with family and friends. We spent Christmas day at our house enjoying one another. We ate our traditional Christmas breakfast casserole and the kids spent the day playing with the gifts that they received. I'm so grateful for this time of year and that I get to enjoy it with the people that I love the most!

Friday, January 24, 2014

December 7, 2013. Christmas Stories.

I like to read Christmas stories under the light of the Christmas tree. This year we happened to do it on a night Collin and Logan were racing so they missed out on the fun! I love making memories with my kiddos!

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

For Ruby

Dear Ruby,

Your birthday came and went, but I couldn't let to much time pass by without writing you your birthday letter. I can't believe you are five years old. How did that happen? Soon you will be leaving me for school. What will I do without you here at home? You brighten up my day!

Ruby you are a crack up and so full of spunk! You are constantly making us laugh. You say the funniest and sassiest things. I love that occasionally you even refer to yourself as Sassy! You have your own ideas and your own way of doing things and you want to be heard. In the car if too many people are talking you will shout "It's my turn to talk!"I guess that comes from being the third child!

You love school. You look forward to it each day and have so much fun there. You have made some cute friends and you are learning lots. You love to write your name. You are in a stage that you write on anything and everything that is in front of you. I am always finding R-U-B-Y written on my bills or my shopping list! You know almost all of your letters and and some of thier sounds. You go to speech each week and are working hard on your articulation. You have made a lot of progress and have a lot of fun there. Mommy likes the one on one time that it gives us! You are looking forward to starting Kindergarten in the fall and going to the same school as Sophie and Collin. You were even excited for your Kindergarten shots and didn't even cry!

You are such a sweet sister to Lyla, and a best friend to both Sophie and Collin. You love to play with all of them. You share Sophie's love of animals. Lyla's love of coloring, and Collin's love of projects! Although you love playing with your brother and sisters, you also enjoy playing alone in your room. You have quite the imagination and I love listening to you when you play.

Ruby I love you! I feel blessed to be your mom! You are such a special girl. I hope that you have a great year! Happy number 5 sweet girl!

Love you always and forever,
Your Mom

December 1, 2013. Ruby's Birthday!

After much anticipation from Ruby it was finally her turn to have a birthday! Five years old! She was so excited. She chose to go see the movie Frozen as a family and loved it! It has become her latest obsession. She sings her heart out to the soundtrack and can listen to it all day! Later that night, she had a fun little celebration with her grandparents. She opened presents and was able to blow out all five candles on her Barbie cake! Such a fun day to celebrate a fun girl! We love our Ruby Jane!

This isn't the post it was supposed to be...

This isn't the post it was supposed to be...
It is supposed to be a post filled with pictures of balloons and pink or blue confetti floating around.
It is supposed to be a happy post.
It is supposed to be a post filled with baby bumps and pregnancy symptoms.

But it isn't.
I debated about even writing this post. I don't often record the hard times in my/our life. But ultimately I need to. It is part of me, it is a part of us. It's part of our story.

November 20th started out like any other day. I sent the kids off to school and set about my usual daily routine. I looked forward to Logan coming home from a work trip and I waited in anticipation for my doctors visit that afternoon. A doctors visit in which I was told I could find out the sex of my baby if he/she cooperated! I was so happy and so excited. I filled 8 balloons with confetti. 4 with pink and 4 with blue. I couldn't wait to surprise my kids with the news of a baby sister or brother! But my happiness was taken from me when at 16 weeks I heard my doctor say the words "I can't find a heartbeat." I was shocked. I was enamored by the ultrasound of the beautiful baby in front of me. I never expected to hear those words. I have had 4 healthy, easy pregnancies. How could this be happening to me? How could I be losing my baby?

Those few minutes and the ones that followed are moments that have replayed over and over in my head. I spent that night and much of the week crying. I wanted desperately to fix this. I was in denial. My body still looked pregnant and I was still experiencing all of the same pregnancy symptoms. I even seemed to feel my sweet baby move inside of me (which I read is very common). I hoped that the doctor was wrong. I'd just lost a baby. And it hurt. It hurt just to breathe.

A week later on November 26th I had a d&c procedure. I remember it like it was yesterday. It haunts me. It was weeks before I could go to sleep at night without replaying that morning in my mind. The image of the procedure room. The nonchalant way my doctor talked to me. My sweet husband who stood by my side, wiped my tears, and was my rock. The caring nurses. The tears that flowed as I woke up from anethesia. And the ultimate feeling that now my baby was really gone. And there was nothing I could do about it. My loving mother in law and sister in law who watched over my children, and my own mother who held me tight with care and concern.

Miscarriage is death. It brings with it all the agonizing grief that comes with losing a loved one. But miscarriage is also something that isn't often talked about. It's the reason that women hide their pregnancies during those first few months waiting to reach the safe zone before announcing their good and exciting news. There are no funerals with a miscarriage. No memorials. Instead, routines go on. And it seemed that everyone's life went on unchanged. Except my own. I was 16 weeks pregnant. That's a lot of mornings to wake up excited that there is a child growing inside of me. It's many long afternoons of fatigue and morning sickness. It's 112 prenatal vitamins. It's lots pregnancy aches and pains.

But the grief gets easier to bear. Most days are good now. I have gotten so much comfort from Logan and my kids. I'm grateful to be surrounded by their endless joy and their smiles. I'm grateful for the plan of salvation. I'm grateful for the knowledge that I will get to see my sweet baby one day. I'm grateful for those 16 weeks that I had with my baby. He/she was part of me, us, our family. Do I understand why this happened? No. I wish I did. But I do know that when I enter my Heavenly Father's kingdom my baby will be there waiting for me and I will be able to hold him/her for an eternity. Until then, I will hold him/her in my heart.

Saturday, January 11, 2014

October 10-17, 2013. Brazil.

Logan had the opportunity to go Brazil for work and I was lucky enough to tag along with him. It was a fantastic trip. We were lucky enough to fly down and back first class. That alone was a memorable experience. We didn't do too much while in Rio, but it was wonderful to be together and to relax. Logan spent the majority of the trip in meetings, but we did get to spend an entire day together exploring the city. We wanted to visit the Christus, but were discouraged from going by hotel staff due to the expected large city crowds that day. So instead we visited a nearby botanical garden. It was beautiful. One evening we were able to visit Sugarloaf and ride the cable car up to a fantastic dinner and show. It was definitely a highlight of the trip for me! It was a great trip and so nice to get away!

October 31, 2013. Happy Halloween!

The kids were so excited for Halloween! Sophie wanted to make her own costume this year and she did a great job! She was a raccoon! One of our sweet neighbors painted the kids faces making their costumes complete! They all looked so cute! 

Sophie and Collin wanted to trick or treat with friends this year and had such a great time! Collin could have stayed out all night. Logan and I took the little girls out. They did our street and then they were ready to be done. We spent the rest of the night handing out candy and the kids ate a bunch of their loot! 

October 28, 2013. Carving Pumpkins.

The kids love carving pumpkins. Sophie and Collin were old enough to help carve their own this year. They love picking out their pattern and seeing it come to life on their pumpkin! I forget every year how much work it is to gut 4 pumpkins! Such a fun night.

Friday, January 10, 2014

October 25, 2013. Lagoon Trail.

We had such a beautiful fall this year. One evening we headed to one our our favorite spots for walking, the Lagoon Trail. The leaves were amazing, and the kids had so much fun running around in them. It was a nice afternoon/evening as a family.